The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict

By Ken Sande - (2004) Grand Rapids: Baker Books

One of the sad facts of life is that no matter who you are, or where you go, a certain amount of conflict is inevitable. Some of us will experience conflict more often than others, but you can't really spend time with people without some kind of conflict arising sooner or later. Conflicts occur in the workplace, with neighbours, friends, family, in marriages and yes – also in the church. Being Christians does not give us immunity to the unpleasantness and destructiveness of conflict. 

So we can be very grateful for such a helpful book on conflict and the resolution of conflict for Christians. Ken Sande has written an extremely helpful work here that is a must-read for everyone involved in conflict resolution - and as you will soon discover when reading this book, that is not only something to be left for the 'experts', but is also the ministry of every disciple of Jesus.

“Christians are the most forgiven people in the world. Therefore, we should be the most forgiving people in the world.” (p.204) but as we know from experience, and as Sande acknowledges, this is not always the case. However, he gives extremely helpful and biblical teaching on how the gospel is our motivation, our model and the fuel for peacemaking.

When conflict occurs, sometimes we may be to blame, occasionally we might be an entirely blameless and wronged party in the matter, most often of course it will be a bit of both. And Sande carefully and sensitively begins his study in the need for self-examination, calling for an honest appraisal of our own behaviour and motives, highlighting the need to remove the planks from our own eyes before presuming to removing the specks from others'.

Having found our own contribution to conflict, we are now placed to repent and initiate reconciliation with those we have wronged and who may have wronged us. Whose job is it to initiate reconciliation? Most of us want to think the person who has done the most wrong – thankfully for all of us, God thinks differently! And thus the gospel begins to re-shape our thinking from worldy values of “my rights” to God's values of grace.

However, Sande doesn't pretend this is easy, and is fully aware of just how painful and sacrificial this kind of ministry can be, and I thoroughly appreciated his careful and sensitive treatment of the subject, avoiding soundbites and platitudes, while all the time challenging my motives and thoughts with the values of the gospel.

There are times of course when conflict can be so acute and complex that the wisest course may well be to find the help of a third-party intermediary or counsellor, and Sande also gives good advice in this area.

This is an extremely helpful book, on a terribly neglected subject. Thoroughly recommended.